Continuing on my Guru’s immensely beautiful actions.
Weariness with samsara
It is hard to measure progress in spiritual sadhana. However, the increasing periods of calmness and the ability to be in solitude have been blessings for me.
What was troubling me was a notion in my mind that family and work relationships were intruding in my contemplation and sadhana. Following my planned sadhana and my chosen values felt difficult and I was tending to pass the blame onto others close to me.
While this unnecessary torment went on for some time, it reached breaking point one time and I broke down before Swamiji. The compassion I got from him is incomparable – this is a compassion that is devoid of any judgements, any disappointments and any expectations. (when I analyze the compassion I give even my own children, it is tinged with either a judgement on their behavior or an expectation from them or stems from a disappointment in them).
His message was simple – nobody can hinder your spiritual progress/sadhana. However, in samsara, one also has to be subtle and not so in-the-face when following one’s path. Sadhana cannot be devoid of love for family, friends, etc.
When I analyzed my blabberings to him later, I felt it was very childish of me. However, he never treated me as anything other than an exalted person. I hope to show the same kind of compasstion to others.